Not getting hired by Google

 What am I busy with? Freaking I was busy with interviews. After 5 rigorous rounds of interview with google, they rejected me. Of course, I joined another SAAS company and so far the journey seems ok but still not getting hired by google is daunting me. The google role was one of the roles I really wanted to take up in my entire career. It was for a business supply chain, one of my fav role after being in the otc and b2b domain. Anyways, I have to really talk about Google’s interview process in my next blog.

Things are meant to be for the best

 We came over to the my uncle’s farm for the Ganapathi Pooja. The farmhouse stay has been really peaceful. The farm has ragi, groundnuts, flowers, fruits like custard apple, guava, lemon and many more to name the least. They had grown toor dal and many other lentils so far.  I have been eating like a pig and high time to go back and shred calories.  

Jung hae in

 Something in the rain actor and one of my fav actor Jung hae in’s new series DP got released. It’s no way close to any love story but totally on the different story line. The story revolves around the lives of Korean army folks, sad truths and saving those deserted soldiers who try to kill themselves. It definitely going to attract one set of crowd considering the life of an army men. It purely is the realistic facts! It’s not the sugar coated version of army which is shown in descendants of the sun! There is another character along with Jung hae in who is supposed to a funny character and some of the scenes are funny.

One thing for realistic series like this aren’t going to be a huge hit unlike descendants of the sun as they are way too sugar coated the army lives but that’s what the world wants!

Tokyo olympics marathon

 I couldn’t  watch Tokyo olympics live as it was around midnight but I think everybody knew Kipchoge would win and he won! I wanted to watch in detail the race finally the whole race is now available on YouTube and I got to watch! He was just fabulous through out the race. No surprise he is the Roger Federer of the marathon world. Someone who has dominated the field of marathon for more than a decade. He is very positive while running and always motivates other racers in a cheering way.

I noticed one more thing, the marathon medal ceremony both in rio and Tokyo happened on the closing ceremony infront of all the winners across the country but why only the medal ceremony of marathon conducted that day? Pretty strange but kipchoge deserves it for all the dedication he has towards the race. He is the Sachin Tendulkar of the marathon!!

Friendships!!

 Can men and women be good friends? With my experience ofcourse we can not only be good friends but great friends!! So I have this one friend who is a guy who always takes time out to talk to me. I talk to him about everything under the sun and discuss my options.

The thing I really appreciate about this friendship is that we both have exact opposite views on most things. But we openly discuss the same. We don’t judge each other. 

Infact the most funny part is that there were certain things I had completely opposite opinion on but this person has literally changed me on those opinions. 

Ok like I made it very clear, we are definitely great friends. It will always be like that.

Afghan taken over by Taliban

Geo politics is a too complicated and messed up across the globe. It dates back to world war 1 & 2. We know that the reason for any country to go on war is to just establish their power which is abusive. The sad state of afghan has led to this since 90s and letting Taliban to take over the country. Ofcourse all the world major powers have played a major role especially US, Russia, China and Pak. Things are in chaos. For no reason innocent people are dead or homeless…

Attacks on solo women runners continue to raise in blr. Today my friend was attacked while running at Agara Lake. When women have such huge dedication and discipline, these unfortunate incidents really affect their mental status. When will India change?

Olympics!!

 Am very proud of our Indian athletes at the olympics. If you really dig deeper there is a heartbreaking, inspirational story behind every athlete who took part in olympics.

I have left watching cricket long ago due to the misleading bettings which happens. The sporting spirit is killed in cricket. So I hate the whole concept of IPL and betting.

On the other hand I have always been a fan of tennis since my childhood. Thanks to my dad who got me indulge in it. Also, huge play by Federer and Nadal made it even more interesting towards the game.

Since I started running marathons have been huge interest these days.

Yet again kipchoge broke his olympics record by winning one more olympics!

Last but not the least, Neeraj Chopra, p.v Sindhu, entire hockey team needs a huge shoutout.. ofcourse every other participants and winners need a same shoutout too!! I hope the sports industry remains more cleaner and doesn’t get spoiled like the way cricket is spoiled…

Soju, Ramyeon, Itaewon

 After watching Korean series( isn’t it obvious as I have been exposed to a can of worms)  I so badly want to drink Soju. All those series are filled with soju and ofcourse I can’t eat pork belly which is best combination as per Korean lifestyle. But I would love to eat their soupy ramyeon. I decided on where to go right after the pandemic ends. It has to be Seoul. I can’t wait to visit Seoul especially Itaewon district of Seoul. I don’t know if I can wait till next year but I can’t wait to visit Seoul and have Soju. South Korea is also famous for plastic surgery and may be I should try plastic surgery over there, shop a lot of beauty products and do hell lot of shopping. 

K - drama Itaewon class is based on  an amazing story line and it is shot in a realistic way. All the main cast has done a great job. It talks about a lot of societal issues.

1. Misuse of power and how inhumanly deeds someone does just because they have power. The power battle.

2. The very interesting triangular story which clearly defines what is true love and how selfless true love is.It has very great love story.

3. Transgenders and how they are judged.

4. Age gap in a relationship, racism and so many other topics.

5. As long as you work hard and you are smart you will definitely sustain in the industry and do a great job

High profile divorces!

 I feel being married for the longest period is literally impossible or being in love seems like an impossible thing in this generation. I think it’s quiet natural as we all have either turned out be self entered or narcissists. 

Anyways, Bill and Melinda gates announced their divorce recently, Aamir Khan announced his divorce just yesterday.  People fall out of love these days?

Sometimes I feel life was so different, there was adjustment in the past. The roles of men and women  had a better clarity. I don’t think there was any dominance in history between male and female but clear accountability and responsibility of duties.I feel we should stop this stupid organic tech growth and go back to the lives where people were only farming and lived happily with lot lesser stress and way better health.

I also noticed one thing I don’t want to consider guys who are extremely growth focused, I mean look at all the famous tech giants’ CEOs:  Elon Musk, Bill gates, Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos.Most Guys who are extremely career focused  can never be good at personnelly interms  of family and taking care of them. Am not being judgemental it’s just that  their ambitions don’t involve evolving with the family, the emotional connect which usually women wants. Very few people can strike that balance ofcourse depending on who their life partner is.

For example, I know for a fact that Sundar pichai, Barack Obama couple are going to last forever even though they are famous people in their own field but I know for sure they will last..I can gurantee on that. There are still couple like that. Look Mark Schumakar’s wife she was there by his side for 7 years of Coma. True love still exists but it’s rare...

Record Vacinnation in India in a single day!

 India recorded 82 lakh vaccination doses in a single day. Which is the highest in any Country. Vaccination is happening in a full fledge in India. I am sure this is by far still more efficient and it would have been worst having congress during such pandemic. We should be thankful to God that we have BJP both in State and Centre. Congress leaders in Karnataka are even more worst, be it D.K Shiva kumar, Siddaramaih, Jameer Ahmed, KJ George and many more pathetic leaders. All they have done so far is just to be a terrible administrator, rowdies and people who run high level prostitution by really torturing the low income people. All thanks to Devegowda that the karnataka politics is in a mess for decades now. He is such a worst person that he made a mess out of the center once and made sure Atal Bihari vajpayee lost the cabinet once because of this great leader. When he can mess up with center so much by creating a third front parties with Lalu Prasad Yadav, Mayawathi, Mamata Bannerjee. You can imagine how much mess he would have created a mess in Karnataka politics. Karnataka for decades had two major parties congress and Janata Dal. Devegowda played a divide and conquer rule and split Janata Dal into two parties one became Janata dal secular and the other became Janata dal united which eventually became BJP in karnataka and thats how the BJP journey started in Karnataka. But Janata Dal as a sole party had great leaders like Nijalingappa, Ramakrishna Hegde who were chief ministers and had very efficient and effective tenure. 

Downfall of karnataka started because of Devegowda and his sons which also lead to the growth of rowdies like D.K shivakumar, K.J George and so on. Who are no less than demons. Anyways, eminent leaders like Tejasvi Surya, Pratap Simha gives some hope to Karnataka but Bjp in itself has few inefficient egoistic oldheads which has to be sidelined including Yediyurappa.

Enough politics!, because of this inefficiency and complicated politics, I felt like moving back to US permanently after my first stay. But then again life isnt easy over there too. Anyways people like Trump made US stay miserable anyways. Life has its own challenges but in terms of the greenery and efficient governance I think US is still ok. You should have good friends around.

I think India got screwed up since the independence due to the ever pleasing nature of Gandhiji who made pathetic leaders like Nehru rule who were good at playing dirty politics and I think thats how shady politics in India started. Its unfortunate that we call freedom fighters like Subhash Chandra bose, Sukhadev, Rajaguru, Tilak as Extremists and its high time we change that language about them.

OMG- I wish its not that!!!

 When I was in Houston, I had my own things going on with my relationship. I infact moved to US much before Satyam came over to US  for his MBA. I told him that I was there and asked him we should meet. He had cut me off totally because he didnt get a good CAT score the third time, he was upset about it the day results came. He came to meet me, I had got him a gift and he didnt take it and I was little upset and he really wanted to have Sex with me that day. I was already upset that with so much effort I had got him a gift and he didnt take it. Its not that we never got involved physically, he is the first person I really had my first kiss with. Ofcourse the relationship was great. We were 22 and so much attracted to each other. We would go on long drives spend the whole night clinging on to each other. Its quite natural to be involved romantically. But that day he really wanted to have sex with me. We had never done it. Its not that I didnt want to have sex with him, its just that I wanted him to be sure that he should be open to the idea that he will talk to his parents. Somehow he kept denying it and he used to give me lame excuses and I was tired of lame excuses, I needed assurance from him. I never forced him to do it right away I told him I need that assurance whenever that happens. I was madly attracted to him why would I not have sex with him? He was extremely romantic, passionate. But somehow something was stopping me not to have sex with him that day for multiple reasons.

That day he came over to my place,  he sounded that he was in a bad mood. There was a huge mental block in my mind when he said shall I go get condoms? I said lets have a proper commitment to each other before we get to the third base, I dont know I just said it from no where. worst part was I was a little scared of sex and being a women it is painful first time. But he really got upset that day. When we had started dating him he wanted to kiss me every time we met and had attempted so many times. It took sometime for me to let him do that. I always do that with men its not that I dont want to sleep with them. Its just that I want to be sure of myself and when I allow them it means there is no turning back thats how I am.

Anyways, when he didnt get good CAT score, he started focusing on GMAT. I thought I shouldn't disturb him and give him enough time. Then in between he would reach out to me and suddenly he would say he wants to meet me and then I dont know Men are so weird and he would change his mind and give me a lame excuse. Anyways, I focused on moving to the US by working really hard. Somehow I got a chance to travel as a replacement for my boss's wife as they were coming back to India for vacation for 2 months. I worked really hard and made sure that client was really happy about it and that annoyed my boss's wife and she was insecure that client is liking my work. Anyways, later I was offered a better role than her role by the client which annoyed my boss and his wife. I had to deal with all this shit while working in US. Satyam was not at all showing interest to meet me. I was going through a lot. In all this, there was another guy who created a huge nonsense. I did have couple of good friends while I was working in US and Sumit did have a crush on me but I never liked him like that. So he kind of understood and I told him not to waste his time on me and consider arrange marriage proposal and move on with it. Then there was this other nonsense guy. I have never met him and never spoken to him in the whole of my work over there. God knows who created what gossip among men and one day he walked into my apartment and started creating a huge drama. I was least interested and I didnt know this asshole. Later, when I came back to India and worked in Infy, I dont know how he got my number, he called me and I had to block him. 

Why am I talking about this asshole? I recently spoke to Sumit and it was usually about work and suddenly Sumit said to me that asshole asked about me. I told I am least interested about him and dont discuss anything about me to him. 

I just hope he is not checking my blogs or googling me in anyway. I definitely know how to deal with him but the last thing I want to do is waste my precious time and energy is to deal with such bugs.

Its a different thing that you went on  a date or you dated , or you were in a relationship or anything. But I had not even spoken to him while I was working at my client location because I never liked him so I totally stayed away from him and such a mess he created. The last thing as I said is to waste my energy on such kind of  useless people. 

A rational life!!

 I dont know I was drained out mentally so much that I took off today. All I did was to binge watch something. I bloody want to curse whoever found out this analytics and Netflix which shows you recommendations based on what you watched. I found this chinese series called "A rational life" may be bacause I had watched "Something in the rain" Gazillion times already. Fuck you Netflix!! Anyways, it seems similar to it but a little different story line. Anyways, something struck me today.

"Love is a Ghost and no one has ever encountered it, and a women's  most misfortune is being discontented" with things. This is what a nagging mother tells a daughter.  The daughter is tired dating even though many cases she knew the guy isn't right just for the heck of it. It kind of reminded me of what I had done it in the past.  Now I just cant do it and my mom knows that she cant win this battle as well.

When my first relationship with my college boyfriend didn't work out(its because he didn't have the balls to talk and convince his parents as we belonged to two different religion(am a Hindu and he is a Jain!). 

I was so stupid enough to think about the broader perspective that we had liked each other, we both are vegetarians, there is absolutely no difference in our food habits. We both were working in the corporate world. We had good compatibility but he just didn't have the balls to stand up infront of his parents and to talk to them) and I was on the other hand stupid to be so adamant and convince my parents.

I really felt bad and guilty for putting my parents through such a trauma then I tried my level best to date the guys from the same community I just couldn't do it but I was trying hard only for my parents and even considered guys from the community just for the heck of it and for my parents satisfaction.

I think the Asian culture every where its the same. I realized one thing you cant force relationships, whatever may be the reason you just cant be in a forceful relationship.  

Anyways, I didnt find "A rational life" as interesting as "Something in the rain" I just stopped watching it and got back to watching something in the rain. I am really surprised by the director how realistically he shot it. I am sure people think that am crazy to watch the same series again and again. But I dont care, I like what I like and I dont have to prove any point to anyone by what I like :). Its like Dal chawal.. How much ever variety you can have but at the end of it the satisfaction Dal and Chawal can bring is amazing. I dont mind saying out loud what I like it might sound boring to the others after all its my life and I am leading it for myself :).

The director Ahn Pan Seok is a scorpio, the way he has directed and created situations it seems so passionate. Are scorpions so passionate? I have no clue never dated one, I only have a huge crush on Ryan Reynolds who is a scorpio. 

Ahn Pan Seok!, by far the best director

If I really like something I get deeper into the subject. I was so impressed with the direction and cinematography of  “Something in the rain”, I started doing more research around him and his drama series. I really fell in love with the stories he picks for his series they are so close to reality and actually real time problems or issues which we are going on. In all his series he has clearly shown how male chuvinistic society we live in snd the kind of issues women face. The double standard the society has. While portraying these he also shows how such amazing men exist around the world who really takes care of women and stand by women in a most realistic matter.

Something in the rain

Secret affair

A wife’s credentials

And am going to watch all his series. Trust me this guy totally gets the double standards in society. He highlights all the problem women goes through. They are so close to reality

Why do I run?

 Lot of people ask me this question. Ofcourse majority of those people are mostly non runners. For most runners, running is a feeling in itself and you just can’t express it but you feel it. I feel running is a lifestyle in itself and not everyone can adapt to it.

Am sure most non runners might be thinking:

1. They run so that they can eat junk and burn all the calories. But only a true runner knows the discipline needed in terms of a nutrition.  I have learnt so much about diet, food, what kind of ingredients  to buy. It’s like I said totally different lifestyle in a great way.

2. Runners run so that they can be lean and wear any clothes they want to. If you are a consistent runner, most runners end up loosing a lot of weight. Ofcourse being a women the most motivating factor is to always fit into your clothes.

3. Runners have a very lean body and they look damn lean and they look really pale. But trust me in order to be even a descent runner you need to have a lot of strength and most runners definitely do lot of strength workouts.

4. Runners have a totally different lifestyle, I know maximum runners who follow intermittent fasting or in old days the Ayurvedic method of eating food. They get up early and sleep early. Every time they get a break most important thing is they catch up on their sleep.LOL

5. The most exciting things for a runner is to watch all 6 world major Abott either live with friends or run them. It’s the IPL of running community or a grand slam of runners.

Coming back to why I run. Running has taught me endurance not just physically but mentally too. Running has taught me not to give up. We get to run so many uphills and down hills you still have to run. So running has literally taught me not to give up during downfall. Running has taught me discipline. In order to be a runner, You need to have discipline. So it has taught me to have discipline in all aspects of life. Running has taught me healthy life style , healthy mind, healthy body concept. Running has taught me meditation . Infact  , running itself is a type of meditation I feel. Running has taught me there will always be bumps in the journey but just enjoy the journey doesn’t when you finish. Each journey is unique and it’s your own journey, your struggle, your own mind, body and soul.So you  enjoy your journey. Running has taught me how beautiful mornings can be just to listen to birds and watch that beautiful sky. It has shown me how peaceful mornings can be and sets the right tone to the mornings. Running has taught me life will always be tough but you need to move on! Every step gets hard sometimes but it makes you push harder snd not give up!

Weekend is here!!

 Hmm. I did a lot of research on the director of  "Something in the rain" He has even directed a famous series "Secret Love Affair" Which was voice dubbed to English but it isnt available for Indian audience to watch. The support cast is mostly the same set of people in "Something in the Rain" except the main lead characters. I made my cousins watch this series too. Both of my cousins fell in love with the series. We being women are stupid enough to fall for this kind of series.

But the interesting part is " This is the first series of "Jung Hae In" as the lead actor and his acting is unbelievable. I so loved his acting. On the other hand "Son Ye Jin's" acting is awesome too. She is the well established actress in korea with many classics in the rom-com. She apparently called the romance queen of K -drama/movies. But ya no doubt her acting is extremely good. She is the same actress from "Crash Landing on you"  and she got the most popular award for the year 2020. Like I said her acting is really good. One thing I realized that  the quality of stories, acting of the K-dramas are actually really good. They also try to copy lot of the hollywood series there are quiet a few which are based on hollywood themes like Grey's anatomy, Doctor Foster and so on. But they do have a creative mind and some of their original series are really great. Enough of K-drama and I started liking K -pop too. Will write about it some other time. 

There is a magic in "Something in the rain" director. The situation, the dialogues, the romance between the lead characters, I can go on and on. He portrays the characters in the most realistic situationa nd it would have taken so much of ground work.

I just dont want to write about work too. But had a good long run today and am totally tired post run.  have so much to clean and clear the clutter. I am sick of these house hold chores. Btw I had a video call with my school friends. It was like we saw each other's face after gazillion years. It was good to touch base with them. Not everybody could make it, I think last time I saw all of them was on anyways. chuck it. Infact it was one of my school bestie's birthday and I insisted we do group call. Later I ordered her the  surprise birthday cake. I felt like ordering and I did. She was very happy. 

I think I got obsessed with rom com after ages. I used to love "A walk to remember" and then to some extent I loved "Geetha Govindam" which kind of made me watch it many times. After that if am really obsessed then it has to be something in the rain. 

Hmm...

 I had decided that no matter what I will never write about work. Well rules are only meant to be Broken 😜It is taking all my energy sometimes. But! should I really write everything about it? May be not! Anyways, one thing I realised no matter what people say or do if you are an SME stick to your decision. Let the pressure come from anywhere. The business you are working with or your leadership may not understand it right away. Trust me good work never goes unnoticed. There are people who try to win over by saying yes to everything. It will only cause more financial loss and more overhead. I don’t know whether to call it a good thing or a bad thing. For the heck of pleasing someone I just can’t say yes to any thing and for anyone. 

Last 1 year has been a series of such battle  and it’s going to repeat for sure.. I decided if am the service owner, I will stick to my decision. There will be some issues and challenges but it’s ok like I dealt with it in the past. I will continue to deal with it persistently. Sometimes, it takes all my energy , it gets me on my nerves but it’s ok what to do.

Coming back to the recent service owner review for ASIS landscape went on really well. I think we topped  the list but like I said sometimes you have to make a hard choice of going against certain things and certain people. My job is not to please everyone anyways!

Bloody sucks all the energy out of me sometimes! Phew...

On a completely different note, the only way I feel good now a days is by watching “something in the rain”.

Do such men really exist? honestly I don’t know. Ofcourse it’s a mutual thing. But unbelievable! I just can’t get over it.Whether such men exist or not, there is no harm in the hope to find such a man! Amen!!!!

I  chaffed so badly during my run today and it’s pretty frustrating.One simple mistake can screw up your run. I just thought I will do 12k and slowly increase my miles. Fucking I had to stop at 10k as I Chaffed so badly. How on earth can I forget to apply my anti chaffing cream.. so frustrating when you make such blunders LOL

Containment zone to Micro containment zone

 Finally, we got an update from MC to step out of the flats for running and cycling. Phew! Felt so good to run outside. Thought of cycling in the evening wasn’t sure if they allow or not as the gates are still closed. But seemed like many were biking today so I can take my bike out tomorrow. 🏃🏼‍♀️ 🏃🏼‍♀️ And  🚴🏻 . I only have to master swimming. If I master swimming I can easily do traithlon. Anubhav Karmakar (the fastest amateur runner) is a triathlete. No wonder that guy has amazing endurance. 

I fell in love with Korean series so much that I started researching about Korea. Ofcourse being a runner I looked for any races. I found out an interesting thing that Seoul Marathon is the 2nd oldest marathon after Boston. Ofcourse Boston being the oldest  Seoul marathon is 106 years old. That was surprising and am not sure why we only have Tokyo in the world Abott majors and not Seoul!! Anyways, I should combine my run plus plan a vacation. That’s what any runner do.

I was just thinking runner’s life is soo different from normal people life. Our morning starts at 4 am if you are training for any races. Mostly the catch ups, biryhday celebrations, Birthday treats of runners is always a breakfast. Ofcourse we do have house parties, post run parties in pubs but usually those are brunch parties and infact PM annual party closes by 9 pm Lol

Runners life is so different. It’s not that they don’t love late night parties but usually they get over early. Last jan post Pacemakers party all the gals came to my flat and we didn’t sleep we just partied the whole night. They left at 7 am next day.I don’t even remember how many times we made coffee that night lol. These kind of sleepovers do happen but not very often. 

Man! what did covid do to us?No runs, no races, no parties, no house parties. Maximum house party happened at my house only. Being a spinster that’s an advantage. God knows when things come back to normal. 

Will I ever run a race again? Why not I will have to visit Korea and run Seoul and may be catch up with my new crush Jung hae in( as if he is waiting to meet me LoL. That guy is a brilliant actor. His acting in something in the rain is fantastic. He is the most underrated actor in Korea unfortunately!!

Something in the rain part 2

 The more I watch “Something in the rain” , I relate myself to the female lead character so much.  When her past relationships didn’t  work for her, She is mostly made to feel as if it’s her fault. There is a scene where she explains herself as to she just didn’t do anything wrong nor that the guys were putting out their best in those relationships. How she being in relationship was compared as so bland. Wow!!it reminds me so much from my past. I knew the guys I dated weren’t putting their best in the relationships but I was still hanging in there because I genuinely liked them. I thought that’s what relationships are for. You can’t expect everything to be perfect. I thought true value of a relationship is to just find a way to be happy even though you won’t get everything. I realised how stupid of me to be still hanging in there and the worst part of all I can’t believe that I chose such kind of guys. It’s similar to what this character goes through. At one point she says, I can’t believe I was with this guy. Sometimes I come to think of it. I feel the same way. 

I can’t believe I was in such kind of relationships, I should may be thank God or may be I was lucky it didn’t work out. I don’t know what future holds but this series is really an eye opening in many ways in terms of the relationship. 

Anyways, coming back to lead role male character, he is just a perfect guy. He is realistic in many ways. I really fell in love with the lead male character. I don’t know if it’s really possible to be able to find such kind of guys in reality. I sincerely truly hope such kind of guys exist.Hmm, he is not too far off from reality. It’s pretty close to reality but in the current generation do such guys exist? Hmm I have no idea. I can’t believe I dated , I was head over heels and persistent with guys who had so many issues, what was I thinking? I swear what was I thinking? 

 

 

"Something in the Rain" - Obession is an understatement...

 I am really obsessed with this show. I dont know I just cant stop watching it. Namma bengaluru weather isn't helping in anyway. The weather is perfect for a series like "Something in the rain" I dont get to watch it much during the day but whenever I cook and clean I leverage this time to simultaneously watch this show. I dont know what has gotten into me that I cant stop myself watching this show.

The series touches a lot of different topics:

1. Even though the daughter is good and more responsible just because she is not married is always a huge issue to the family and parents!

2. The sexual harassment, breaking the taboo like dating younger guy- how the world looks at it.

3. The friendship betrayal as the lead character female is a child hood BFF with the male lead character's sister and how that friendship suffers. 

4. The relationship between the sister and brother, how they are brought up differently by the parents and why the brother always finds fault in everything her sister does.

It resonates a lot with my life may be. Yes I think it has almost touched all parts of my life and almost what I have gone through at each stage. May be thats the reason.

While I was watching this series it suddenly kind of reminded me of Yogita and how our relationship soured :(. Ofcourse I miss her as a great friend. Everytime the friendship between those two girls were on the screen, it remided me a lot about Yogita(Yo!). Ofcourse we had a different kind of a problem. Its just too tiring to even talk about it here. Should I or should I not? Ofcourse what happened was very unfortunate and I had to go through that terrible thing for no fault of mine.  But what really upset me was Yogita almost stood by me and she backed off in the last minute. It really really upset me back then. I showed my frustration at one point and later it just took a downfall. I tried to talk to her many a times.

Lets not get into the reason as to why and how we ended up here. But I wish things can go back to normal between us. That whole incident upset me back then and even more upsetting was to loose friendships like Yo's.  I believe time has healed both of us. I have totally forgotten that incident. Lot of things have changed since then. The strange part Yo did after that incident especially when I was the ginny pig she cut ties with everyone from run club.  Anyways I miss her as a great friend.

I didnt stop running just because some moron had no idea about how it meant to someone. I thought running was supposed to get people together and not break the relationships but some people can be so blood suckers they can suck energy out of you everywhere. I didnt stop running because of that incident. I started running because I love running why the hell should I stop something because of some idiot created a bump on my journey!

Me and being so emotional fool

Being emotional a biggest failure in the current world? I mean of course I do have a practical approach to the modern day dating but with a lot of traditional inclination too.

Like I never ever believed in this caste, community, dating a divorcee, dating older guys, younger guys etc, etc. So I practically believe in all these revolutionary approaches but in an  old fashioned long term relationship way. When I say old fashioned way I believe that "True love" and having an emotional quotient in relationships and believe in long lasting relationships than one night stands(casual relationships). I have nothing against casual relationships but it becomes way to mechanical but actual real relationships take time to nurture the relationship by putting an effort, meeting, being in live in. I dont know whether I believe in the concept of marriage but I for sure believe in dating, commitment. 

Anyways, I dont know why the fuck am I talking all this thing. I may be watching these Korean rom com series a lot and Bangalore weather is making me this romantic? I dont know. I am just binge watching this "Something in the rain" in a repeat mode that I just cant stop myself watching it. The more I watch it the more I like it. I dont know at some point I became so emotional that I cried watching the "finale".

I am such an emotional fool and considering how practical the world is am way behind in the current dating scenario. Like my situation is I am way too modern in my thoughts but with my strong traditional foundational thinking. 

I keep having this argument with my friends also. I just feel am stupid that in this world I still believe in all this crap like "LOVE" shit after what happened with my past relationships.

I think I can relate myself to this character in few things but not in all. I just relate to her in terms of the past relationships where I was with wrong guys and thought I was in love. But am not immature like her to do something which always gets her in trouble to hate this guy. But omg I am so in love this guy's character. This role is just too perfect. I think he is not the shahrukh khan of romance but he is definitely a guy with realistic attitude. I just cant stop thinking about this character and the dialogues are so perfect for the situation between these two characters. The physical intimacy is unbelievable(Ofcourse Sex matters in the relationship, attraction matters)

Wow I am such a fool. I am a total loser who believes in true love in this practical world!!! God save me LOL

Sudden death and the havoc it can create in family.

 Korean series are amazing. The dialogues are just too perfect, the screenplay is too good. Story lines are close to reality and shot so naturally just like its a usual life.

Favourites so far: Something in the rain(The script  is excellent, oh the dialogues are unbeliveble), Crash landing on you(is a nice rom-com). Vincento Cassano(thriller and funny). There are many other series I have not completely watched like Its ok to be Not Ok which has highest rating with highest paid actors. The storyline is good too.

On totally a different topic, I miss my dad for sure. Am I ready to talk about it? I guess not. It for sure shattered my life physically and emotionally   for many reasons. Its been more than 5 years that I havent stopped thinking about him. I still think about him. Its almost 6 years but the pain is still unbearable. May be this is what sudden death can cause. I can relate to so many people right now who are going through this pain due to covid loosing their loved ones in no time. I have gone through that and it takes gazillion years to get over it. I am still not over it and I dont think I will ever be over it. But I have learned to live with it. 

Even if someone brings up my dad I get really uncomfortable and I feel really uneasy. I just dont want to talk about it to anyone as to how I feel it. Its just way too painful. 

I cant get over that day when I woke up in the morning in US, I woke up to this news and I just froze for a moment. I didnt know what to do. I just stood there numb. I dont know how I managed to book the ticket and immediately fly down to India. I know I had to but those dreadful moments still haunt me. Ofcourse my life turned upside down in terms job and other stuffs . I have figured it out and I have sorted all the things but I was miserable.

Sudden death in a family creates a huge havoc, the emotional trauma it creates with within the family is unexplainable. I dont think even my enemies have to go through. The damage a sudden death can cause to the family is unbearable and only those people will understand who has gone through that torture.

Unfortunately, so many people are going through that right now. All I can say is that only time can heal them. They will never be over it but they for sure can only get to live with it. It affected me so badly. I left my US life came back to India, my H1-B extension didnt get approved, I was struck in India without a job. I couldnt distract my mind. I had nothing to distract my mind. I gained a lot of weight. 

Ofcourse I am kind of far better and passed through that stage now. But still it was hell. I just pray no one has to go through that. I get scared to hear any more death stories right now. Because it kind of brings back my experience and it hurts me so badly even the thought of it.

Nothing much can be done about it. You only slowly learn to live with the pain. May God give strength to everyone who is going through this.

I just started watching a new Korean series called Vincento Cassano. It is a  comic,  crime based series, I wish it was dubbed in English, it was hard to watch with Eng subtitles. But the romance or the storyline between the obvious hero and heroine is nicely done. 

Not sure how many people have watched Holidate but I kind of like the concept of the movie and after a long gap a good rom com(I believe after Friends with Benefits) I kind of liked Holidate.

Now coming to my curious case these days. The mountain I kind of want to get to know him personnely. I am infact interested in him. But he is the one who didn't show any interest. I kind of stalked his Twitter account ;-). Some of his messages are so cryptic( why would anyone even write it on status if no one should understand it lol) He used to run I believe it was mentioned on his status somewhere. I think one interesting thing is that I believe some how my gut feeling says that he believes that women are as equal as men. I dont know the kind of feeling his profile gave was he doesn't seem to be a  male Chauvinist. I wish he is not. But you never know with men. Not every men in India believes in the concept that all women should have same rights as men. I just cant stand men with double standards. 

Couple of observations so far, He is extremely intelligent, he is well read and I still feel he tend to read a lot and educate himself on variety of topics. Sometimes I feel his life just revolves around work and no fun( too bad!) he should try to get a break once a while and cut a slack for himself.

Good part is he believes in fitness and healthy food habits and loves trekking which is the same goal around fitness. May be its a digital detox. It kind of also shows that he is adventurous. Being advent ours is good.

I think he doesn't open up to everyone for some reason. If he is comfortable I think he will talk everything under the sun.

I am sure he has dated women and some of the cryptic messages meant some hidden meaning. Why would he post it on twitter of all the places? duh!!!  Anyways you cant trust these Delhi guys. On top of it he is a Scorpio God knows how many one night stands, threesomes are there. May not even be worth dating. It is better to be careful with Delhi guys. He didn't seem like those kind of Jerks but I don't know. The Delhi track record doesn't seem to be good in the matter of relationships. No offense but I just don't want to get into mess which sucks the energy out of me and especially those who are fake and not honest.

The reason why I am curious about him. He is a Scorpio. I get along very well with scorpions. I know for a fact that if they are really close friends with you they will always wish good for you. My best buddy Harminder is a Scorpio. We get along really well. I can talk to him anything say anything and he never judged me and even in work environment he has never backstabbed me and he has stood by me even if people mentioned the other way around(You know office politics and there are chutiya people) I think this guy seems like a good guy. But its better to be careful and least of all who knows he might be in a relationship already that's why he didn't show any interest. Why waste time on such?

Above all, I am still unable to understand why the hell did he remove me from Insta. It would have made more sense to just meet up for one date and if you dont like then it totally makes sense. Who just wants to add and then remove from Insta. Crazy fellow. Anyways its his loss to even meet me for once not mine :). 

One thing for sure I just cant put in an effort and let my heart break again. I am not in any way going through this pain . If something is meant to happen let it happen. Lets see what the future holds.

IT IS RAINING CATS and DOGS IN BLR

 BLR weather is the best during summer too. When it gets extremely hot its guaranteed that it will start raining within a day or two. whatever said and done nothing can beat Bangalore weather but it used to be even best once upon a time. The drastic change in the weather since last 13 years is unbearable. Sometimes I feel I wish the IT ramp up should have never happened. This whole urbanization made more greedy people take advantage of city and more than Kannadigas the city is driven by non Kannadigas. Basically, we are the most easy going, no nonsense kind of guys, it became easier for the neighboring state people to come over dominate the state. It is unfortunate but this is the fact :(.

Anyways, work is going on, Its not how great it used to be when LB(my EX super boss) was there. He is a visionary. He is extremely funny. I really enjoyed working with him. Since he moved out things are definitely challenging but that's how it is. It is surprising how the downfall happens when there are no visionary leaders. 

I strongly believe that it matters whom you work for. Ofcourse there will be organisation and things like that. But it really matters whom you work for. Anyways thats ok.

This wake up -cook -Clean -repeat has become a painful process. There was a point my cook got so worried for me that, he constantly called me and checked with me how I am managing lol(He is worried more than my mom) Yeh madam kya khayegi, kaise manage karegi. He was telling me that he will cook at his place and get it for me. I said "NOOOOOOOO". Ofcourse he is very clean, his hygiene levels are by far the best I have seen. I am more of a more vegetables in everything person and he is the only one who gets it and he cooks for my taste. I can just show him any recipe on Youtube he will prepare it accordingly except a few south Indian traditional dishes somehow he just doesnt get it.  I love Ragi mudde once in a while. Have that proper traditional meal but I guess for that I have to go to my mom only(LOL) other wise he is really a great cook. He can make awesome soups, few great pasta recipes, I havent trained him to make  middle eastern or mexican yet though. Honestly, I cook pretty descent but I hate to cook everyday. I dont enjoy it as much. I prefer to outsource these stuffs and focus more on running or rest or may be just chillax. Cooking is the last thing I would love to do lol. My mom ofcourse is a great cook. I love everything she cooks. I think most moms are great cooks.

Whats on my mind today? Definitely a guy :P.  I am curious about this one guy(real smarty pants-definitely nerd-yup the mountain man)  anyways he didnt show know any interest, then why bother? Ya but I felt it would have been a good match. We could have atleast gone on a single date before he was so unresponsive. Anyways, chuck it(Sour grapes!!!)

Biggest thing on my mind? My friend pinged me and asked me when am I going to be in US. I told him , considering the current situation I have no clue at this point. Well plan was to move to US completely last year with proper L1- A but then it was a total downfall. US isn't issuing any visas only at this point. There was a great opening at an ecommerce giant(ofcourse the company name is a no brainer) at US location but there is no way I can travel now  and take up the job. My friend can easily refer me and vouch for me but now is not the time. He was asking me about the same. I told him let the dust settle down. But I so badly wanted to take up that opportunity and move back to US. Like I said atleast I can focus on my growth and career. Being in a US based company you need to build network  and trust me growth is always faster if you are in the US. 

Fucking Covid. What an amazing timing you have got.  It is what it is and whatever happens, its for the best. Thats what I am hoping :) 

Why the blogs? Its more like a memoir to myself

 Why sudden interest in writing blogs? Hmm.. I realized that I stopped writing my journal long time ago and It was high time to start writing whatever comes to my mind. Ofcourse I cant write all of it on social media. I am hardly posting anything these days over there. I wanted to have a social media detox, I am out of FB for quite sometime. Anyways, hardly anyone reads my blogs so I can be what I feel like in my blogs. I really hope people dont take a sneak peak into my blogs ;) its mostly for myself and my own journal.

Desperate times calls for desperate measures{I didn't mean I have to buy a vibrator  ;) considering the current situation I should buy one I guess ..LOL} I meant I started running inside my flat itself, I know its crazy. It was very very challenging to run in a 30 -40 m loop but like I said have to find a way to keep going at it. I only ran a 5K and I dont want to start having ITB due to the sudden turns and so another 3 kms I walked. I hope the people who stay below dont complain that I am creating a mini earthquake on their roof lol.The APR roof isn't sound proof(How stupid of them to charge such exorbitant prices and not have sound proof wall and roof!!). 

Weekend was usual routine of cleaning, cooking but yes I did order take away especially my tres leches from Magnolia Bakery. Anyways visiting NY seems a long way now. Had I known that this Covid is going to be this bad I would have extended my last trip where in I missed the lockdown in nick of a time.

Yes I was in NY the last week of Feb 2020. I reached blr the beginning of March. I am so glad I didnt get infected in anyway. But it seemed just nick of a time.I flew down from NY only. I just missed NY terrible, horror experience in a nick of a time. Thank God for that. Usually NY is my last stop. My usual trip starts at North Carolina(HON head quarters and multiple business leaders sit over there) to Phoenix(1 business) and then to NJ(thats where my favourite business sits) and I always visit NY take a stroll around NY before I head back home. I wish some day I get to run the famous NY marathon and cross that last leg of Central park like everybody talks about. I did apply for the NY lottery but unfortunately it didnt get picked up in 2020, neither did my chicago marathon lottery got picked up. But anyways none of those races happened thats a different story. But someday I will run(if not run I will fucking crawl and reach finish line and other my 6 medal star). 

I always visit the central park I dont know just to feel the vibe and sense that someday I will fucking run the NY race lol. But ofcourse there are so many homeless people around, in someway it is scary but otherwise NY is always great to visit. The people in Manhattan especially late in the nights literally try to scare the shit out of you. This happened when we went to HRC NY and even though we were a bunch of like 5 people I still got scared. Central park is scary late in the evenings with lot of homeless people and drug addicts.

My all time fav in US will always be SFO, Shoreview(Minneapolis -all those 10,000 lakes) and then Frisco(Dallas). I did kind of like North carolina too atleast where Hon office is there it seemed really nice.

I love places with nature. Shoreview is an amazing place with utmost greenery and the only challenge is the extreme weather otherwise I would love to settle down over there. 

Anyways, with covid and considering the current situation long term travel seems a long way..hmm 

Oye btw, I did one nicest thing, I ordered a organic mango box with an intention that I will share it with my neighbours, I rapped them properly and kept it at their doorstep and told them to wash it properly and use it, Oh yes felt really good to do so. I thought sharing mangoes were ok during covid :)

When your apartment is sealed as containment Zone!

 APR is one of the known highly premium gated communities and  in Towers/Apartments there are so far 40 cases. I believe the villas count is around 70 -80. Suddenly BBMP came and made both towers and Villas a containment zone!  covid has now almost come to the doorstep. No maid, no cook, cant step out of the apt as per association rules, no running, limited essentials delivery. Basically, I am living in a jail.

Its very hectic to cook, clean and then make sure every parcel be it vegetables or any Big basket order needs to be double sanitized and veggies needs to be properly washed. My hands are all so dry with so much dish washing liquid and washing veggies. I am a bit scared to order food outside at this point so cooking has become a norm.  Like last year I need to get a hang of it. I tried so many dishes last year starting from all varieties of Pasta(Peso being my fav), baking, thai, mexican and so many varieties. I am just trying to stick to basics at this point now so I balance my nutrition. Done a lot of changes in this whole year in terms of life style by mostly trying to follow Ayurvedic methodology like finish dinner before sun set, Oil pulling, replaced all the daily consumption products with all the natural products like body soap, shampoos, desi cow ghee, cold pressed oils, organic lentils, organic veggies from farmizen or healthy buddha. I think one best thing about this lock down is a lot of change in my lifestyle. I replaced all my shampoo, conditioner, tooth paste, mosquito gels , disinfect liquids everything with all the natural products. Thanks to Fittuber I guess. Changed a lot in diet too. Good part is that there isnt much  change in my diet needed as I have always been a vegetarian through out my life except I eat eggs for about 10 years(My family didnt know for a long time, as eating eggs back home isnt allowed as we are pure Vegetarians ;). But I love my diet and am mostly going back to what I used to do eat in my child hood days. I Want to totally stop consuming gluten and milk, somehow unable to stop chai. I do love black coffee but one Chai is inevitable. Its mandatory to have a healthy diet during covid days.

Everything is going ok, sometimes I feel really bored being home all the time as I am fucking stuck at home for days now without even stepping out for my runs. It drives me nuts but no option at this point in time. Anyways there will be a nation wide lockdown so I better get used to it. I wish I had a nice company with me  (ya obviously a guy would have been better lol) what I meant is my friends. Tanu and me we almost talk everyday and we both keep saying that we miss those late night walks, those coffee times,swimming. Niharika, Tanu and myself used to be flatmates few years ago and it was a great company. We really had a good time. Those morning coffee or evening coffee  times with each other used to make so much difference. Tanu was mentioning that she wished lockdown was during those times not now. I want things to be normal.  Hopefully it will be soon.

My first ever So called "Relationship"

 There is sad news, anxiety everywhere. I want to totally talk something else. I realised one thing that I hadnt written everything about my life. May be its high time to write all those things and cherish forever.

Its been I believe 11 years my first ever serious relationship officially ended. Ofcourse I am way over it. It doesn't bother me as such. Ofcourse he is happily married with two kids I believe(sorry I am not stalking him but we are college friends so we have like some 40 common friends on FB so its inevitable,  we were ofcourse friends on Orkut. Infact all our epic love story started on orkut. he looks so old now LOL) I dont think I would have even gone on a date now:P.  But I believe he is a good human being one of the most emotional guys I have ever met only that he had some balls to stick to the promise but its ok doesnt really matter now :)

Actually you know why the thought of writing all my past came to my mind? Recently, I had been to my bff's house. We were just discussing something and she said some incident which I couldnt even remember it was so significant that "She had come to my home to talk to my parents" and she had stayed overnight. It was about Satyam's matter where my dad had called her up and some incident I couldn't even recall.

I was like "Wow half of the incidents I have already forgotten. Ofcourse there wasnt anything sweet about those incidents may be I wanted to forget them" atleast it has stopped bothering me. The only thing it bothers me in all these "I really felt guilty for my parents" they had to go through so much pain in all these. I still feel bad for them. But they didnt listen to me as well. They were forcing me to get me married off and omg it was such terrible times. I used to run away from home. I almost didnt go to my home town for an year. I think I kind of moved to US I just couldnt take all this. Thank God I dont have any such kind of extreme pressure now. Once in a while they still talk about it but then that kind of suffociating enviornment isnt there anymore.

 The biggest problem was "With the way I was good in studies, take control of my life in most things I do, they didnt expect that I would do anything like that I would choose the guy on my own" But in all fairness " I always decided what I want in my life. There were two things which was very clear that "1. I will only study what I love and I hated biology in my 12th and my dad wanted me to be a doctor and I didn't want to. So I chose engineering and the second most important thing is that " Whom I will marry". I also decided that I will only decide on that post I get a job till then I will never get into any of this. Even though I kind of had a crush on Satyam during college days. I never made any effort because I wanted to get placed in campus recruitment.

Now coming back to how it all started. Honestly, I dont even remember exactly. All I know that both our names started with "S" and I still remember his registration number was "72" and mine was "78"(wow my memory!) we used to be in the same lab sessions. The funny part was he never attended classes. He hardly attended labs too. I remember that his attendence was so less it  was some 13% as opposed to 85% it was on the lab notice period that if he doesnt get his parents to talk to the HOD they will not get entry to the exams in the 7th sem or 8th sem. He was one among few others on that notice period. I just looked at it and laughed. He was good in studies. He used to get descent marks not like topper stuff but good enough to impress me I guess. He was definitely not one of those guys who was seeking limelight in every bit in classes. Not even one of the soo called hot guys in the class. I still recall one of my best friend told me that the only way I remember Satyam is if he ever attended classes he would wear 1 shirt between 7:30 to 10:30 am (that means he just woke up  and rushed to the class straight from hostel dorm  not sure if he had even bruched lol) and we would get an hour break and when the 11:30 classes would start he would shower and then change and come back to class with different shirt LOL(keen observation by my bff .. LOL) I dont recall or never noticed.

I think it was one of those 7th semister seminars where you have to present as part of your curriculum. The presentation test will be 10 people each and 70-80 was one batch and that means we were in the same batch. We were waiting in the room for the lecturer to come and take up the presentation and I was shit scared to present even to 10 people. For some reason, the presentation session didnt happen and from no where Satyam walked up to me and started talking to me asking about my presentation prep and how his preparation is so bad. We just talked for few minutes I dont know the feeling was unimaginable, its like you wished for something I couldnt believe the butterflies in my stomach. That was the moment to cherish forever. I just couldnt feel my excitement but I still decided that I need to graduate from college first.  I think in 8th sem we hardly attended classes. It was just a name sake though, by then I think we were all placed.  

The next thing I remember is that every time we appear for the exams, we usually would be in the same room and he is like 5 people ahead of me. While writing exams he would just turn back and stare at me and I would look at him too. It was altogether a different feeling. We never said anything to each other but I loved it and I dont know about him though.  I still remember the last day of 8th sem exams. It was finally the end of college but the pain in my gut was unbearable. He was with his friends and I was with mine and both of us didnt say anything to each other but we used to just stare at each other. But I couldnt go tell him and neither did he make any effort. I went back home with mixed feelings that day. 

Ah! now one more incident I remember we had a send off party arranged for everybody, it was an evening dinner affair. This was before the 8th sem exams I guess and I was so excited and I really wore a nice saree and to my sheer disappointment he didnt show up  for the send off party. But anyways last day of the exam was even worse.

Then the million dollar question how did we meet. I should thank orkut for that. I dont know who sent request but we got connected to each other on orkut! Rest awaits.....

Adivasi- Mountain life would have been the best

 Covid has caused a rakus all over India. It’s just too dangerous at this point of time.  Being in the mountains far away from all this chaos  is making  more sense than ever before. 

I so wish I was far off from the civilisation. This pandemic is an eye opener for many such feelings.

The feel good factor in all this is people still check up on you. Yesterday bangalore count hit 25k with overall india count at 3.79 lakh single day report. It has been a major mess all over. 

One of my reportee in Romania over an office call first thing she told me “please take care, I really feel bad for you guys”. I just smiled at her. Yes it is really tough times but thanks for the support.

Another direct reportee of mine from the consulting firm pinged me asking blr cases are way too scary please take care. I just made fun of him saying I will come over to your place. He happily said anyways me and wife are there. Please come over , we can surely accommodate one more person. I was like “You are mad” both of us laughed.

Work is also very crazy and hectic, mentally very very tiring. I was doing my regular program review with the team and post review, I felt enough work. Everybody are mentally tired I told them that let’s discuss something else we are all doing a great job. We talked about all the Netflix shows, Amazon prime shows, movies . Suggested what to watch during lockdown. We thought we should watch a movie or some show by virtually sharing screen but unfortunately Netflix doesn’t offer 20 screens shares.

We talked about how some people just get to watch only cartoons all the time as the kids are always watching them and ended up becoming the adults fav shows as well especially Pokemon lol.

It felt really good in all this madness. I sincerely pray we get out of this mess. Sarve Jana Sukhino bhavantu 

 Tough times require a really tough mind to get through this phase. May God give everybody the mental strength to deal with this situation. I hope we get over this soon. Really require a strong mind to fight this phase. It turned out worse than last year.

I am a suck up for romance, I am not that lucky enough to have a loved one by my side during this pandemic but its ok :). Its  better to be not in a relationship than being in  a toxic relationship.

Who are those famous couple you like? I am usually not a fan of film fraternity. I usually love  people who are into sports than in movies as am more into watching sports, ofcourse I do watch movies but somehow I feel they are not my role models. Usually my role models are those who are good on field and off field. Hard to find such human beings these days. Like I am a huge fan of Ratan Tata and I have utmost respect for him for "N"  number of reasons. I have had utmost respect for "Atal Bihari Vajpayee" as well.  

Coming back to Couple "I admire Federer and his wife Mirka" a lot.  I like Ryan Reynolds and Blake lively pair as well (FYI I share the same birthday as Blake lively lol) now I am yet to find my Ryan Reynolds ;-) hahaha. I think personally his sense of humor is great. I am sure I am suck up for those guys who are witty and funny :P .The Virgo(Blake) - Scorpio(Ryan) not a bad pair at all :)

 Pandemic returns in a much more deadly way!

Disclaimer: All my runs am doing alone thesedays and I get up way too early around 4.30  and finish the daily runs max by before 6 am so I avoid contact with people and I run inside the Eco world campus just out of APR which means the loop which I run is a lane with all the ORR companies which are mostly shut. This is the same precaution we took last year also as a running group that we will not do group runs, we started running on our own alone way too early in the morning before the curfew (5 am) also the lane is not monitored by any cops except for each company security who are always wearing masks :).

Covid has hit Bangalore really hard. So far I had not heard any close family or friends die(Thank God for that) but I got to know that my driver who always used to pick me and drop me to all my airport pick up and drop, he passed away due to covid. He was the most efficient person I ever had to pick me and drop me. I dont even want to call him a driver because for me he was always John. All my one day outstation travels I have only travelled with John. He was more like a close aid. It was very shocking and disheartening to know that he passed away due to covid. I am too upset to about it. My international travel since my current job was extremely high and too hectic(usually thrice or 4 times to the US, many domestic travel to hyd), I just never used to rely on anyone else except John. He was very well educated, spoke fluent English and his two daughters are engineers and I could just have all sorts of conversation with him. I dont know I am in total shock and sad to hear this news. I had always hoped and wished that everyone whom I know should be safe but I am really starting to get worried with this second wave. 

I just pray to God that this phase ends for ever. It is affecting everyone's sanity, people are loosing near and dear ones. Its a major chaos and there seems to be no end to it.

I have been hearing lot of scary stories. One thing I heard and which really made me furious is the lack of oxygen cylinders and one of the reason being that people are buying and storing that so that they can sell for higher price like a black market. I also heard that people are trying to stock up Remdesivir antiviral thinking they might need it by creating the huge supply and demand issue. We Indians are pathetic, we want to encash on anything and everything without being how sensitive and dangerous this issue is. Honestly I dont know the autenticity of this black market issue of stocking up oxygen cylinders and antiviral drug like Remdesivir but I hope its not true but in our dear country, anything and everything is possible.

Why are we like this?  God knows. Why do we have this shitty mentality. I really hope people aren't doing this especially in this pandemic situation. I really hope people really think and act appropriately in this crucial times.

Anyways, I read one of the nicest post by one of the India's fastest Boston and NY marathoner in the amateur category Anubhav Karmakar, he is from our own running circle at Namma Bengaluru and at India level running community. Met him many a times and post run parties and during training at cubbon:

As written by Anubhav Karmakar, it is so apt at this point in time:

The third Monday of April is recognized as Patriot's day in Boston. For runners world over, it is celebrated as @bostonmarathon Day - the oldest and most prestigious Marathon of the world. While the word 'BQ' (Boston Qualified) for many is a title of honor, it has never truly fascinated me. In fact I wouldn't have lined up for this race if @gauri.jayaram hadn't informed me that I had qualified for the 2019 edition and insisted that I line up for it. I realize today that had I not heeded to this advice over a dinner after Berlin Marathon 2018 it would have ended up being 3 year wait for one of the best running experiences of my lifetime. But ever since I ran through hallowed finish arch of this legendary race, it has meant a lot more than mere bragging rights. I still wonder about how I woke up the next morning and broke into tears for reasons I haven't been able to fathom yet. Since the 2013 bombing, a new slogan 'Boston Strong' had emerged. That emotion has become more relevant as we fight the hardship of this brutal pandemic. When the 2021 edition was opened up for everyone as a virtual event, there were people who argued about the diminished prestige of the race - a very self-centered opinion in these circumstances. While all of us are affected in some way, the pandemic has hit certain sections of our community too hard. A lot of organizations are facing hardships, including some of my favorite running focused non-profits. Its been a heart breaking year and the least we can do is support them as we conquer this 'Heart Break Hill'. We are not there yet but the finish line is in sight. This is not the time to gloat, to be petty. Its the time to stand together and stay strong, Boston Strong! 

Berlin or debut Full

 A good weekend is the one where I finish my long run on Saturdays and my recovery easy run on Sundays followed by hogging like a pig LOL. The feeling of completing the long run and recovery the next day is amazing.  We used to train like crazy last year at this time, though the pandemic had just started,  somewhere there was a small hope that "Berlin" would still happen and I get to run my debut Full and I was clocking too many miles and following Sir's training diligently. It was tiring both physically and mentally to stick to Sir's targets in every training runs, especially the tempo and the intervals. I am so glad in one way that am not doing any speed workouts. But in one way I miss them too. Anyways, I almost thought I will re-register Berlin this year and after speaking to the few local friends , I thought its very unlikely that the Berlin will happen this year as well. So this time I didn't want to train hard and then get disappointed later. Somehow the feeling of taking part in races has gone for me right now. I dont feel like registering for any of the local races mostly because I am worried to run along with  so many people and these virtual races dont excite me at all. I hope I can get back to that racing feeling someday or will I loose that whole racing spirit completely? I dont know. 

Btw, there was Olympic trails for FM at Netherlands called "NN Mission Marathon" yesterday where the running God Kipchoge ran for his Olympic trails after his unfortunate poor performance at London last year. He is undoubtedly the running God of long distance running. He is none other than the only human being who has done a "SUB 2" Marathon. He has done the impossible possible. It was such a feast to the eyes to watch him create that world record in 2019.It was an unbelievable experience in itself. Watching Kipchoge run is always a feast to the eyes. I miss watching international races live these days( I am sure most runners feel the same way:D). Those 6 Abott world Majors and watch them live is a different feeling altogether and someday dash dash dash. I dont want to say outloud that(Hope is a good thing (LOL)  for which I need to train hard though. 

I always noticed one thing about people who have excelled in sports for a long term. They are very calm, composed, one of the most down to earth people in the way they talk, there is aggression in the game they are playing I mean not the kind of external aggression which is very evident but the fire inside to win and not expressing that aggression like our own Mr. Virat Kohli shows but the kind of aggression what Federer shows or Sachin used to show like there is so much passion to the sports but its literally not shown outside. Do you get what I mean? Anyways, I love such people, no wonder I am a huge fan of Kipchoge than Mo Farah. No wonder people like kipchoge last long just like how Federer or Sachin lasted in their respective games. I believe its their gentleman attitude towards the game, opponent, the umpires even when they make a wrong decision they move on from it and control their rebellious attitude even if they loose a game they are so strong mentally that they can come back winner any time. 

I used to love watching Federer play tennis, ofcourse I still love him to the core. I feel that if there is any super power God creates I would ask him to create a replica of Federer and I would marry him in a blink of an eye LOL. I believe he is the only human by far who can loose the first two sets and still come back stronger and win the next 3 sets calmly such is the level of perfection and mental stamina he has  achieved in the game. Same thing applies to running too. Its very easy to run fast in the beginning and then slow down but very few people have actually mastered the technique of starting slow and then come back faster which we call "negative splits" it requires a lot of mental control and stamina to achieve negative splits. 

One of the reputed company's  HR reached out to me for a leadership role and they were very much interested in my resume and I was very excited about the company. Its one of the luxury car manufacturer. My skill set almost (80%) fits the role and the recruitment team was very proactive and supportive. They sent my resume to the hiring manager who apparently holds a VP position.  The guy didn't shortlist me because I had only 15+  years of work ex and not more than 18 years even though my skillset fits the role.  I understand that you need maturity and of course with more experience you bring in more value add to the role but then a difference of 2 - 3 years and I dont think its the appropriate way. I am right now hiring for a solution architect role in my current job and the guy who is my best buddy got an amazing offer @Apple and I am really happy for him and he had 3 years more experience than me but when am trying to fill that role, I am not going by the number of years of exp. I am going by anyone more than 9 years exp with right fitment. 

Also, there is a huge push on hiring women in senior leadership roles but then why cant we have a broader perspective on hiring a candidates with quality of work they have done than by the number of years of experience? I am first of all not happy with this gender bias, number of years bias. Infact, I have more females in the team when we did hire since I joined not because am a feminist but because I went by the fitment of the role. We could find right fitment in Romania where all my team members are women. But in India it was all men it was based on the right fitment and right candidates we got at that point in time barring the gender, location or the number  of years of experience. Of course for the band 3 position I didn't hire someone who is a fresher, But as long as the POCs I gave them and all the tough scenarios I put across they answered I hired them. It has worked out well so far. I believe its the proactiveness and willing to go that extra mile to fulfill the roles and responsibilities. Things have to change a lot in India in terms of maturity. I wish people stop having these kind of stigma for the hiring process.

I know am talking more controversial topics today. But I just couldn't hold myself anymore. I need to just get it out of my system and one such thing has been bothering me a lot off late and I have to put it out. Never mind I dont want to talk about it its too controversial to even talk about it. I will may be rethink on writing it again sometime later.

My run was a DNF today :(. It was my long run and I just didnt have the juice to complete the targeted distance. I believe the alcohol and food last night  from "VAPOUR" troubled me while running. I usually dont step out the night before my long runs but being at home due to this long WFH couldn't control stepping out. My stomach was growling while running.  Hopefully I get enough sleep tonight and will try to hit the targeted distance tomorrow.

Dallas passed away few days ago. Its really sad that he is no more. He was one of the first Client Managers I worked in the US and he actually believed in me I guess. In fact all thanks to him that my stay in US extended from a month to an year. He had given me a nickname called "Carnigie" , I had copy pasted our chat in one of my blogs. I absolutely have no clue as to why I saved that chat back then(11 years ago). May be this was the reason to just cherish the memories. It came to me as a shock when I got to know that he had cancer. We were just connected on FB but we were hardly talking to each other. Then in the recent past, he started posting funny stories about his every hospital visit on FB, he was so funny about his whole treatment, surgery, covid stories. I think he was trying to forget the pain by trying to be funny. By the look of it I sensed he wont be alive too long. At one point in time, 10 years ago I felt he had a crush on me. He used to invite me for drinks and one day suddenly he called  and he came near my apartment that was a pretty strange thing though. I was shocked to see him.  I was actually deeply in love with my first ever Boy friend back then. Dallas knew about it. That was one of the reason he gave me that nick name "Carnigie" because my then bf was to join that college for his full time MBA and that was one of the reason I had moved to US before him. Anyways, coming back to Dallas, I knew he was hitting on me. But I clearly openly had told him that I am into my then bf only. Dallas was then going through divorce and he had left his first wife with whom he had 2 beautiful children. Anyways that's his personnel choice. I never asked him what went wrong and I was just 24 or 25 years old and was too young to understand the so called "Western Marriage" back then. I didnt ask him much about it. Later he found a really hot chick and he got married and apparently both of them were very happy with each other. They were living like a very happy family. His wife really really took care of him as he would describe his wife and how she would take care of him in his posts. I feel sad as he left too early and too young to live this world. Anyways, may his soul rest in peace and may God give strength to his family, kids and his closed circle.

I was discussing this with one of then collegue in US who used to know Dallas as well and this guy told me that Dallas had cancer 10 years ago and he recovered back then and it re occured again after 10 years and this time it was too bad. It is so scary. Even if someone survives it the first time there is no gurantee that it will not hit them back at later stage. 

I dont know on and off I have been thinking from past few months that I should do a himalayan trek. 2 years ago when a known runner friends went for the Mt.Everest base camp trekking. I decided that next year I will do either EBC or one of the himalayan trekking. I honestly strongly feel mountains especially himalayas have a magic in them. I still remember our visit to Joshimath, Gangaria and then the Bhutan himalayan range(Honestly I loved the Bhutan himalayan range and told my self I will again visit Bhutan and this time I will explore the trails of himalayas over there). We all know that Covid happened and again last year I was discussing with one of my other runner friend she also felt she wants to do a himalayan trekking and we infact thought March or April we should do and 2021 turned out to be 2020 repeat.  I seriously badly want to go over there this time. I wish I can go work from there too with this unlimited wfh option. I still remember when I was hiking from Joshimath to Gangaria we came across this beautiful view with the water flowing from the top of the mountain thats where we sat and had a lunch I still remember that view and I dont know I always felt since then that when I am retired or old I should just live with a view like that. Honestly, I love beach and mountains but given a chance i would always love to live in the mountains. I know that my body cant take extreme weather, I cant take bangalore winter due to my allergies and things like that. That is mostly because of bangalore pollution and the pollen it makes it worst and I fall sick often and I dont want to addict myself to this inhalers on a daily basis. I also feel I have the same genes as my dad, my dad also used to have this unlimited phelgm issue and its the same thing with me. Infact running has helped me increase my lung capacity. I was worried that during Covid I would be the most targeted person as Covid is directly related to the lungs and things like that. I am still concerned but all thanks to running that my lung capacity is better. Infact I did fall sick in december end I did have all the mild symptoms of Covid and I recovered also pretty fast and I hope this year I would get a vaccine soon

 Bhagavadgita and its impact on my life. I studied in a VHP school. Our daily routine is mantra meditation. First thing in the morning is a mass prayer in the school grounds. The moment you get into your respective classes, its either Ekatmatha stotra or Bhakti yoga(chapter 12 of Bhagawadgita) chanting. Before we head to lunch we had to say Annapurne sadapurne shlokas. Evening mas prayer is usually vande mataram or rashtra geeta everyday. 

I didnt know back then the kind of positive impact it had on my life. My life was extremely peaceful and positive. I believe my concentration power was extremely good due to all this chanting. I was extremely good in studies, usually a 2nd rank holder in school exams but always used be a topper in public exams both in 7th grade and 10th grade :). (Dont ask me about the little bit of school politics as to why I would end up being a second rank holder but my dad was my biggest support that if I would study really hard I would always top in final public exams. That's exactly what I did. My routine in 10th grade was to get up every day at 4 AM for my studies. I did that religiously the whole year, never missed my tuitions even when I was sick but my tutor would send me back home to rest up and strictly told me not to come for few days as I usually fall sick during winter due to my allergic bronchitis. 

My routine was to get up at 4 AM, take shower, do the morning pooja and then if my dad is up either he would make coffee for both of us or I would make it and then I would study. Go to tuitions, come back and go to school and then back home and again to tuitions come back finish home work and crash by max 8:30 or 9 am. I am still like that, given a chance I can crash by 8:30 PM in the night but with this IT industry its impossible. Lol.

Coming back to the point, I started listening to Bhagwadgita a lot offlate and I feel am much better and I have started healing and have learnt to let go a lot. Mahabharata is my fav story and I have read so many times in my childhood. I have taken Mahabharata exams and scored usually a great marks like 92/100 and I have taken part in Bhagawadgita shloka competition and have won them too. We used to have these competitions in school during krishna janmashtami and the celebration used to be extremely grand in school.

That is exactly I started doing now, started listening to bhagawadgita and Mahabharata. I feel bhagawadgita is a psychological guidance book. IT feels so peaceful to listen to it. 

 Finally, I started running. I decided that its high time that I need to get the fuck out and start running. I decided no matter what I will not miss running. So far, I have been regular to running. I love running. I run because its a liberation, it releases the endorphins(which usually referred to as runner's high). The feeling post run is definitely much more optimistic. Sometimes it gives you a feeling that you can do anything(conquer the whole world). Of course, if you end up having injuries its altogether a different story in itself and you will feel why the hell did you start running in the first place. But there is satisfaction in pain.

But I have seen that it is mentally very disturbing for most runners if they cant run due to long work hours or they are going through the injury phase. To them running is an addiction.

Ok now, I have been on and off on these dating apps and matrimony apps and its sometimes just really makes me so disappointing. For a change, I came across this guy's profile sometime ago on bumble. I really dont know but his trekking pics really looked interesting. There was not much details on the profile except for the fact that he was having few trekking pics. I kind of found his profile interesting.

At least his name was available. As a woman I always do background check on guys to make sure that am not running into some security issues. So I found his Insta profile, it seemed legitimate and I pinged him. Anyways, there was no response for almost a month.After a month he sent me a request on Insta. I pinged him complimenting on his himalayan trekking pics and then again no response. Later one day he abruptly removed me from Insta. Men are freaking so confused :D and they dont know what exactly are they looking for I guess lol.

Basically, going through his profile gave me a confidence that there are fairly good guys over there and genuine ones too. I kind of almost given up that there are no good guys left right now in India and also nothing was working out personally I had plans to move back to US and grow at least on the work front and work is keeping me busy. Also, when it comes to running or any kind of external activity the infra is any day better in US. But I will continue to pursue that option but covid has made this option a literally tough one. I will try my level best on that front. My current company is moving all the roles from US to India and there are not much chances at this point but lets see.

Apparently, this month has been extremely busy again travelling with mom to Kashi, tirupathi, palamner. Also, had a great time with family. Thank God for all the strength you have given me. I feel I am healing slowly.

 I am glad that I could meet  my college friends over the weekend. We have been friends for like 19 years I would say. We all met in 2002 at our engineering college. 

We went to one of my friend's farmhouse which she had been inviting. It has been a mad house with 6 kids(each with 2, zero from me lol). We had a great time. We hardly slept for those 3 days because the only time kids sleep in the night we could catch up with each other with drinks and stuffs.

It is so amazing to have friends whom you know for this long and they literally know everything about you. I just started thinking about our college times with them. There were so many amazing times and we have equally shared our sorrows with all of us. The research says if you retain your friendship beyond  7 years which means they are no more your friends, they are your family. 

Memories in those 19 years are unbelievable. Those memories when one of us fell down terribly during college days, I still remember that when I got placed first in the group, though they were so supportive of me inspite of they still waiting to get placed. It was the same friends when my first ever serious relationship broke with my college mate, they sat with me and literally shared tears with me. I still cant get over those times. 

I had just come back from my onsite assignment it was just that one year assignment was over and though the initial assignment was for a month or two the assignment got extended I was so happy. I was determined to stay back in US because my then boy friend was to come to US for his MBA and I wanted to make sure we are in US together. My parents already knew about this relationship like any other Indian family they were dead against it and the day today drama was going on. My parents literally thought that I moved to US and got married to him and never coming back (LOL). Though  I was honest to my parents about my relationship there was no plan of getting married without them. But the guy whom I was dating was all quiet when we were in a relationship(honestly, that was one of the best relationship I ever had because he was very emotional, understanding, very very smart, extremely talented, knew what he wanted out of life, he was determined to do his MBA and was so into cracking GMAT and infact he got one of the best scores. I knew he is going to be in US and I made sure that I will go, infact I travelled to US before him. Unfortunately, things didnt go well and he was not at all ready to take it the next level by discussing with his parents.  After an year, in the mean time when my assignment got over I was not in mood to move back but I had to. The good part of this trip was I knew I had started enjoying the US life and I had L1-B back then and I decided that I will travel back with H1-B and within 2 years I travelled back to US with my H1 through different employer. 

Anyways, when I came back from US after an year, these friends called me and got to know that I am in India, they said they wanted to catch up, we all met at one of my friends place. We all started crying. She told me that my dad called me and literally had an emotional breakdown with my friend saying that if she is hung up on marrying this guy we are ok just that the wedding should happen in our tradition. My friend without even me knowing she reached out to this guy who was in US and till now I have no idea what conversation she had with him. Because we all had studied together she had access to this guy and she spoke to him. That was the end of it. I wished him good luck and I told him that I will block him and I blocked him that day. It was one of the toughest periods of my life and these people were there for me.

Ofcourse we have had our own ups and downs in friendship but the beauty of it is to talk it over and get things sorted out. I am sure this friendship will never end and it will continue forever :)

While we were in the farmhouse finally on sunday night we were able to get sometime for each other

 Love is a beautiful thing and its like a drug provided its working out well.

Trust me experiencing love is a beautiful thing, every moment is magical. Its like an endorphin or a drug which always keeps you on high. Runners usually  talk about "Runner's high" But  "Love keeps you high".

"Everything happens for a reason, we are all being protected by universe". These people are usually women and these women are usually sorting through a break up. It seems men can get out of relationship without a goodbye, but apparently women either have to get married or learn something. Do we search for a lesson or lessen the pain. 

"Keep it light, dont get too involved, dont get too hurt" should be the mantra for women.

These are the dialogues from "Sex and the city series" just apt, dont know why

Anyways, while after our first date I was so interested in him that I worked out everyday with the motivation that I have to be in the best of the shape and I have to look awesome for the next date. I made sure that I constantly get him notified by posting pics tagging my coach so that he gets to see me and my posts because I didnt want to add him on FB till we were really sure and official. The next time we got to see each other a week before one of the races while he was practicing with his team. Infact it was my coach at that time  who also used to train with him . Apparently my coach and him were training with the same run club. My coach insisted that I go to the stadium with him that way my cycle for that week to get up really early before the race will be ok. I was initially kind of hesitant to go but later my coach convinced me and I was ofcourse looking forward to meet this guy and I was excited about that part. I planned what to wear to the stadium so that I look nice and hot. While during his training we got a glimpse of each other and both of us ignored each other. I made sure he notices me and am sure he did notice me. Ofcourse he was looking extremely hot and sexy. Of all the 30-40 running in the track with all those chaos with different timings, my eyes were only on him. We didnt say anything to each other and that feeling of checking out each other out and still behaving as if you dont even know each other is the best part of the relationship and so exciting. 

Then, when I was back from the stadium, I messaged him that I did see him in the stadium and didnt want to disturb him while he was working out. Also, I remember one of the past encounters I had said Hi long ago at one of the runs in Jayanagar in one of the public running events he was a little shy or so and I didnt want to create the same scene. He replied as if he didn't notice me and anyone would know its a lie and we just exchanged our conversations about the upcoming race, wished each other good luck.

Post race we met and that was one of the best dates. We had great conversation and then he almost thought I am going home with him. Trust me, I really wanted to go but then I was so genuinely into him that I wasnt at all up for one night stand/casual. When I got into the car I could see that he was very disappointed at one point should I get out from the car or should drop him. My worry was if he gets into my car I wasnt sure if I can control I might even kiss him. It was all these thoughts and I really didnt want to do casual. The next day he openly told me that he wanted to take me home to his place! rest awaits.