May be travel will help.

I decided that the more I stay in a single,It would be better. I travelled extensively, Goa(second time), kumbakonam(resort) and pondi, kolar, dharmsthala, tiruvannamalai and I thought the more I travel it would help.

Goa made me feel miserable. I was feeling pathetic and miserable the second time in Goa. There were days I couldnt get up from bed. The more you see couple walking around, it makes you even pathetic that you are going through this shitty break up.

Travel didnt help, infact travel made me feel like I missed him more. But kumbaokonam, pondi and dharamsthala, thiruvannamalai were more hectic visiting a lot of places around so that I could never think. I have cried almost everyday by thinking about all our past times,  past conversations which is still so fresh. 

I dont know I suddenly feel anxiety attacks and I take his name in between. This is the most fucking crazy thing that it had never happened with me ever with anyone. Even with my first bf. I was never this miserable with my first Ex. It was 10 years ago. May be I was much younger and I had the energy to fight back and this time it was pretty hard. It is still pretty hard.

I havent gone for a run in months, I feel that I am forgetting running, its that bad. I love running and I feel miserable to get up and go for run. 

I started thinking how I got over my break up 10 years ago, I think I was miserable back then too.