I know today is your birthday and definitely not an easy day for me, its hard knowing your birthday and not wish you. Amidst in this kind of a mood, I got a call in the morning from mom that she is having a heart burn. I am waiting for her to take her to Sakra, Its been the third visit to Sakra in the last 1 week and her health isn't in a greatest shape and I am tired running around to the hospital since last week already, I really wish she recovers soon and be in the best of her health. Anyways, I wish I could talk to you, You know I always feel the best medicine to anything isnt the actual medicine, its that one phone call you can make to your loved ones or meet them or just knowing them that you have them with you, probably a  hug from them. If we both were together, I would have been much more stronger to deal with all of this. I feel that my heart is already broken and I am trying to pick up those pieces and then mom thing is happening, I know I have to be stronger than all this and I will be but a void is a void. Not having you with me, not been able to talk to you, even worst that knowing that my thought of you annoys you to the core and that probably you hate me that feeling is a worst feeling. I wish if there was any way to make you understand how much you mean to me and that how important it is for me for my own mental sanity. 

I am a very sensitive person in nature, If am attached, am attached and its not easy for me to let go of someone am attached. Be  it my friends, my cousins or whoever it is. The way you always call it emotional, yes am an emotional person for those who I feel attached to. Am I the same to everyone else "NO" not at all. I consider this as both blessing and a curse.

So letting go of you hasn't been easy at all. I am definitely trying, trying hard. I am trying to distract myself with those stupid apps like Bumble, Hinge, Shaadi etc etc. It just hard, the more I go through the profiles over there, the more it upsets me.  

Quiet a few people I met on those apps were so disappointing that while on my way back from those dates, there are many a times I have literally cried as I missed you even more and this is true.

Honestly, it might sound cliche to anyone, I just cant wait for the day where I will stop thinking about you. I am really looking forward to the day where I just dont think about you at all. 

Last time, that happened was when I first met you. You know the history but actually infact the day I first met you, the thought of that other person was gone. I really hope that I meet someone so that I can just forget you. Its fucking 2 years already and I am still hung up. I dont know why is it hard this time with you. I really want to not think about you anymore and I really wish there was some way to wipe off those memories.  I wish I was like you that you can shut yourself emotionally and move on quickly. I really wish I was like that so that I dont go through this torture.

Anyways, I really wish you a Happy birthday, have a great year, no matter what happened I wish you good luck.  I wish by the next year I would have forgotten about you, may be the birthday wish on your birthday should be me  getting over you. Hmm... I only wish that happens.

Also, When I started reading your blogs two years ago, this is what I had read and am copying it here, I think this is what i had read and thought this is what i have to strongly start applying :

 TOI which I happened to read. The article goes like this:

Whenever you think you are going through the most difficult time of your life, stop and think. This may be just the experience you need to snap you out of your complacency and breathe life back into your soulless existence, break an ongoing cycle of failure or somehow be the catalyst which pushes you towards a brighter future.
Next time you feel like your life is collapsing around you, ask yourself why and then take a step back and welcome the changes that have been put in place to save your sorry excuse for a life. And you will then understand that only real insight is born out of trauma.